I am quicker to adapt to change and less frightened of it. I am a clearer and less defensive communicator. Since opening up my marriage, I believe I am a better lover, partner and friend than I ever was when I was monogamous. Others were more explicit, with one loved one telling me that my wife and I would “totally screw up” our four-year-old son by having other lovers. I didn’t receive sympathy or offers of support, as I might have done if I was speaking about more traditional marriage troubles. Some people were subtle, showing their disapproval by staying silent when I tried to speak about the highs and lows of being ‘open’. I was surprised and hurt by the harsh judgement we received from some of those closest to us. Yet life isn’t always like this: sometimes one person is in an adventurous phase whilst another is recovering from work burnout and hasn’t the energy to go and date. It was much easier when we were both on the same page, exploring together on the same night, so that nobody was left at home. Would she come back to me as promised? Or might she get carried away and stay out, leaving me to wake alone the next morning? On the other hand, I felt angry and abandoned, left at home to wonder what she would get up to and with whom. On one hand I was happy she looked beautiful and felt giddy - it reminded me of when we first met. I explicitly recall my mixed feelings kissing my wife goodbye as she went off dressed in a sexy outfit for a first date with a new intrigue. There was jealousy, insecurity and anxiety to navigate - but there was something erotic about it, too. It was an exciting journey and, at points, extremely difficult. What began as “monogamish” (a term coined by writer and podcaster Dan Savage to mean mostly-monogamous-but-sometimes-not) evolved into polyamory (enjoying more than one romantic relationship simultaneously with the consent of all parties).
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